Super Health
I don’t get sick. At all. My immune system is like a steel fortress surrounded by a moat of cough medicine. It’s incredible.
And I’ll tell you my secret… germs. Starting at an early age. I really believe that. While other kids were worrying about washing their hands and covering their mouths when they coughed, I was eating food off the floor and sharing A.B.C. gum. And it made me stronger.
It sounds gross - maybe it is gross - but I don’t regret it. Because nowadays those wimps are on bedrest with a case of the flu and I’m all Mr. perfect-work-attendance guy saying, “Floo? Is it- like, flew? I don’t… I’ve never heard of fleu.”
That was me until this past week. I never ate off the floor (food rescued within the 5-second rule doesn’t count), but I definitely mucked about outside a lot: playing in mud-clogged streams, eating strange grasses from the backyard, and playing “archaeologist” - i.e. pulling shards of our neighbor’s discarded plates and cutlery from the “forest” that bordered our respective properties. Also, I was sick a lot as a kid - chicken pox, tonsillitis, ear infections, strep, acute sinusitis, cold/flu once or twice a year. Once I turned seventeen, it all stopped. It’s like the germs took one look at me and said, “Screw this, let’s go torture someone else who’s a little more green.” Thus it has ever been, up until last Saturday.
In a week, I’ve had a 102 degree fever, a strep-like sore throat, head and body aches, congestion, coughing, conjunctivitis and now, some ear infection thingy. I’ve been barred from going to work because I look and sound like Quasimodo (what with the pus-swollen eye and all). In the two years I’ve been working for the school, I’ve used a grand total of 7 hours of sick time. This week, I’ve used 40. What the hell?
I really need to stop re-blogging people I don’t know. I feel like I’m going to get a big “TUMBLR - UR DOIN IT WRONG” sticker slapped on my forehead one of these days.
1 month ago
